Adoption can be a confusing topic filled with misunderstanding. You may have heard both good and bad adoption stories, but no one usually talks about the feeling of loss, the judgment others make, or the satisfaction you can feel knowing you did what was best for your child.
Adoption Involves Loss
There is no other way to describe it. Although a birth mother (and possibly, father) make the best choice for their child, they lose the opportunity to be their parents. Their child loses the immediate connection to their biological family, and adoptive parents generally choose adoption because infertility keeps them from having children.
How To Cope With Feelings of Loss
Everyone’s situation is unique, and people grieve differently. No one can tell another person how long or in what way they need to grieve, but there are steps you can take to help yourself along the way.
- Acknowledge your pain
- Accept that you will feel many different emotions
- Allow your experience to be unique to you
- Seek support from people who care about you and understand your situation
- Support yourself emotionally and physically
- Find professional help if necessary
A reputable adoption agency ensures that birth and adoptive parents receive proper education to prepare them for future changes. The agency connects them to support groups and counselors who understand the challenges.
Most adoptions today are open. An adoption coordinator can assist birth and adoptive parents in meeting one another and building a connection even before the baby is born.
People May Judge You
One of the negative aspects of social media is the freedom it has given people to say whatever they think. Everyone has an opinion, and no one holds back.
You may be surprised by the judgment you receive because you chose to make an adoption plan for your child. Misunderstandings cloud people’s acceptance because they believe you are “giving up” or “giving away” your baby.
Most people need help understanding the adoption process. They don’t realize you can select the potential adoptive parents and the future you want for your child.
How To Cope With Judgment
When people don’t understand something or someone, they can be judgmental. Your best defense is to expect and accept that people will disagree with you. There are other ways to protect yourself too.
- The only opinion that truly matters is yours
- You can’t control what others think, say, or do
- People often judge others out of their insecurity or ignorance
- You don’t need to convince others about your decision
- Forgiveness releases you and them
You Can Find Satisfaction With Your Decision
For many expectant and birth mothers, choosing to place their baby for adoption will be one of the hardest decisions they will ever make. No one makes this choice lightly.
But you can find happiness and fulfillment with your decision. Adoption is one of the most courageous and selfless choices a woman can make because it puts her child’s needs first.
A birth mother who continues contact with her child and their adoptive family has the assurance they are safe, loved, and nurtured. She can tell her child that she chose adoption out of love, and although it was difficult, she knew it was best for their future.
Adoptees who have contact with their birth families better understand their heritage and their birth mothers’ choices.
Want To Know More About Making An Adoption Plan?
There is still much more to understand about the adoption process, your state’s adoption laws, and the emotions of adoption. If you would like to know more, we’re available to chat. Call us at 1-888-564-HOPE or fill out our confidential online contact form. We will be the support group you need.