Adoption is not a one-time event. It’s a lifetime event. It affects you, your child, and their adoptive parents forever. When considering this choice, realize you will always be a mother. That will never change.
How Can I Have a Relationship With My Child?
Part of considering if adoption is the right choice for you and your child includes determining how much contact you wish to have with them. If you choose an open or semi-open adoption plan, you can have contact throughout your child’s life.
Contact Agreement
You and the adoptive parents agree on the type of communication you each want as you develop your adoption plan. Each state has their own adoption laws and requirements. Make sure the adoption coordinator you choose understands the law regarding contact agreements.
In Missouri, you and the adoptive couple can create a written contact agreement outlining the amount and type of coommunication. You can include letters, emails, phone calls, and personal visits. Of course, everyone also agrees to the exchange of photographs after the adoption.
To be enforceable, the agreement is filed with and approved by a Missouri court at or before the finalization of the adoption. The courts determine if the agreement is in the child’s best interest.
Is Open or Semi-Open Adoption a Good Plan?
The majority of adoptions are open or semi-open today. Secrecy and shame were often associated with earlier closed adoptions, but know that this plan isn’t a shameful choice.
Some women today choose a closed adoption because it offers the most privacy. You must make the decision that’s right for your situation, but remember that you won’t have a relationship with your child if you select a closed adoption plan.
The following are some of the benefits of remaining in contact for you and your child:
For You:
- Assurance and comfort that your child is loved and cared for
- Becoming a part of your child’s life
- The adoptive family can become an extended family
- You have the opportunity to explain to your child why you chose adoption
- Knowing your child is safe can help reduce sadness
For Your Child:
- A sense of identity
- Answers the “why?” questions
- Offers a relationship with their birth families
- Reduces the feeling of being unwanted
- Provides greater self-confidence in being adopted
Can I Continue My Relationship With My Child?
Unfortunately, no parent can guarantee a strong and healthy relationship with their adult children, whether adopted or not. As your child grows and develops, they will have traits from their biological and adoptive parents. They become a mix of both of you.
As adoptive and birth parents build strong relationships, your child will know many different people love them. Like all children, they may experience some teen angst or choose to rebel, but your love and commitment throughout their life shows them they have value.
If you would like more information about placing your child for adoption, the different plans available, and your rights as a birth mother, contact A Gift of Hope Adoptions. Either fill out our online contact form or call us at 1-888-564 HOPE (4673). We’re always available to answer your questions.
This blog is for informational purposes only. This is not legal or medical advice. While we try our best to reflect current laws with accuracy at the time of writing, please note the laws can change over time.