An unplanned pregnancy is complex, no matter what your situation. If you’re already raising children and don’t feel you have the resources for another, you may want to consider making an adoption plan.
It is not uncommon for single or married mothers to consider placing a second, third, or fourth child for adoption. But remember, honesty is the best policy when explaining your reasons to your other children.
Is It Wrong To Consider Adoption For Another Child?
It is never wrong when your motivation is to provide the best for your children. Whether this is your first or your fourth child, adoption is a challenging, loving, and selfless choice. It puts the needs of your child before your own.
No one knows better than you the demands on your finances and time parenting requires. Diapers and wipes can cost over a thousand dollars for the first year alone. Larger items like strollers, car seats, a crib, and a mattress can also cost upwards of $1,000.
Often, family and friends who said they would help you aren’t available when you need them. If one of your children has special needs, you have even more time constraints.
Talking With Your Children
Choosing to place a baby for adoption when raising other children is absolutely valid and more common than you think. But how do you approach the subject with the children already under your care?
Several factors determine how you tell your children. The following are some issues you may want to consider:
- How old are the children in your home?
- How many children do you have under your care?
- Are you currently in a relationship with the children’s father?
- Is the father of this baby involved in your life?
Use Correct Adoption Language
- Many people mistakenly use the term “giving up” when discussing adoption. They refer to a birth mother as someone who “gave up” her baby. Nothing can be further from the truth. You are making the best plan for yourself, your family, and your future child.
- Even though your pregnancy was unplanned, you want your children to know the baby is still loved. Terms like “unwanted” can cause children to question your desire to have them.
- Once you’ve selected the adoptive parents, you will want your children to understand their role. Determine if you will call the adoptive parents by their first names or put Mama or Daddy in front of their names. You will always be this baby’s mother, but beginning with different names is essential.
Use Age-Appropriate Books
There are many wonderful books about adoption. You can find them for toddlers through teens. Books are an excellent way to discuss the process and start a conversation.
Your child’s age will determine how much information you give them.
Begin Talking About Adoption As Early As Possible
If possible, begin talking about adoption during your pregnancy. It will take time for your child to understand the concept of adoption and that their new little brother or sister will not live with them at home.
If you choose an open or semi-open plan, you choose the baby’s adoptive parents. You can begin talking with your child about them as soon as you are matched. Discuss why you are choosing to place the baby for adoption and assure them you love all of your children.
Involve Your Child In The Process
Let your child write letters, make cards, or draw pictures to give to the adoptive parents for their baby brother or sister. Let them pick out a special toy or stuffed animal.
If your child or children are older, they can look through bios of potential adoptive couples and help you choose the perfect family.
Accept Their Emotions
By acknowledging their emotions, you are helping them to understand that adoption is a difficult choice for everyone, but sometimes difficult decisions are the best. Let them ask questions, but don’t read more into it than you have to.
We’re Ready To Help You
Contact us if you recently found out you are pregnant and considering adoption. We have resources to help you explain the process to your child(ren). Our adoption counselors have dealt with many mothers who have chosen to place another child with an adoptive family. We are here for you. Chat with us online at A Gift of Hope Adoptions or call 1-888-564-HOPE.