One of the biggest questions women ask when considering adoption for their child is, “Will I have contact with them after the adoption?” Birth mothers and adoptive parents wonder if it will confuse their child to have relationships with both families. The bottom line is maintaining a connection between the biological and adoptive families is usually best for everyone.
Is Contact Confusing for The Child?
When you select an open or semi-open adoption plan, you automatically choose to have some form of contact with the adoptive family. Together, the birth mother and the adoptive parents determine how much and what form of contact works best for them.
Roughly 5% of adoptions today are closed, meaning there is no contact between the birth and adoptive families. Both sides realize it is helpful for their child’s well-being and a birth mother’s healing to have some form of contact.
Child Welfare states, “Open adoption can provide your child with a sense of connection and completeness.” Not only does it answer common questions for the adoptee, but it also answers questions the birth parents might have.
A child could be wondering–
- Who do I look like?
- Why do I like certain things my parents don’t like?
- How many people are in my biological family?
- What is my heritage?
- Why was I placed for adoption?
The birth parents could be wondering–
- Is my child safe and healthy?
- Did I make the right choice?
- Does my child understand why I chose adoption?
- Who do they look like?
- Is my child loved?
Is It Easy to Have an Open Adoption?
Adoption is difficult, beautiful, challenging, and awesome all at the same time. No two adoptions are the same because you’re connecting several different families into one. There is loss, and there is healing for every person.
The relationship between birth and adoptive parents is a mixture of love and anxiety. Both wonder what the other is thinking. “Do they like me?” “ What will they tell people about me?” “How much should I contact them?” “ What is best for my child?”
How Do We Navigate Open Adoption?
Once you have chosen an adoptive couple, you can begin building a relationship immediately. Having an adoption coordinator who thoroughly explains open adoption to both the birth and adoptive parents is critical. Everyone needs to be aware of the benefits and the challenges.
Adoptive parents need to understand the grief and loss their birth mother may feel. A birth mother (and father) must be confident they’ve made the right choice. Everyone must realize it is new territory and mistakes will be made. But with honesty and respect for one another, the child you share can grow in confidence and security, knowing they are well loved.
How We Can Help You
The adoption counselors at A Gift of Hope Adoptions make sure you understand the adoption process from start to finish. We communicate with you regularly to ensure you are comfortable with your chosen plan. When it comes time to choose your adoptive family, we counsel you to look for the perfect couple that meets your expectations for your child.
If you are unsure if making an adoption plan is right for you, contact us. We can talk about your situation and come up with a solution. All we want is what’s best for you and your child. Call 1-888-564-HOPE or contact us online. We’re available any time.