By now, you’ve shared with your adoption coordinator what you are looking for in a potential adoptive couple. You’ve poured through a few bios and selected a couple you feel connected to.
Have you decided to meet before the baby is born? Here are five tips to guide you through what hopefully will be an amazing and affirming first conversation.
Tip #1 Everybody’s Nervous
It’s okay to be nervous. The potential adoptive couple is just as anxious as you. Everyone wants to make a good first impression, so there may be a lot of fidgeting and nervous laughter at first.
Your adoption coordinator should arrange your first meeting, and they will most likely attend with you. Rely on them to start the conversation.
This meeting is your time to solidify in your mind that these are the parents who will raise your child. You need to feel free to ask questions and share the essential information you want them to know.
Tip #2 Ask Questions
Most people love to answer questions about themselves. Keep your questions open-ended so the potential adoptive parents have to say more than “yes” or “no.” Here are some suggested questions you may want to consider asking:
- How will you share our child’s adoption story?
- What do you believe makes a good parent?
- Can you tell me about your parents and your siblings?
- What do you like most about your spouse?
- What do you dislike most about your spouse?
Think of topics you didn’t learn from reading their bio or ask questions about particular things that interested you.
Tip #3 Share Your Thoughts
Talk about the issues important to you. Let them know what you wish for your child’s future.
For instance, tell them your thoughts on the following:
What’s unique to you will help the adoptive parents recognize where their child gets certain traits, likes, and dislikes.
Tip #4 Talk About Future Contact
Since you are meeting one another, you have chosen an open or semi-open adoption plan. This meeting also implies you hope to have contact with the adoptive family and your child going forward.
Ask them how they envision that relationship going forward. Do they want to text, email, or talk on the phone? How do they feel about occasional in-person visits? Can you send your child gifts and cards?
Now is the time to begin establishing the groundwork, but everyone needs to be open to the “plan” shifting. Circumstances change, lives get busy, and no one knows the future.
Tip #5 Don’t Make Any Commitments
You have the freedom to change your mind about contact up until finalization, and can revisit it even after as well. Don’t make any promises or commitments at the end of your meeting. Step back and take time to reflect on your conversation.
As you part ways, let the potential adoptive parents know you enjoyed meeting them and learning more about them. They will feel the same about you. Spend time reviewing the meeting with your adoption coordinator and let them know how you feel. For more information about the adoption process and determining if it is right for you, contact A Gift of Hope Adoptions. Fill out our confidential online form or call us on our helpline at (888) 564-HOPE.